Anger

My mother was getting married. And for some reason this upset me greatly. I yelled at her for everything. I yelled at her for marrying this man, for raising me, for my misplacing of my mascara. Everything I could think of I yelled at her. Eventually it was time to go to the ceremony, and go I went grudgingly. It was on the way that i remembered I had to get her a wedding gift, so I stopped at a little shop on the side of the street.

The shop was filled with things made of sea animals and other things from the ocean. Model ships made from sharks jaws and seaweed, Sails and flags made from piranha skin. Ornamental things made from the shells of some sea critters. I (obviously) couldn't decide on anything, so I continued on to the ceremony.

The wedding was huge, there were masses of people. I sat in a pew in the middle and felt such anger and sadness towards my mother. But I couldn't cry. I wanted to. I wanted to let the tears flood from my eyes for the next 12 years. But as sad and angry as I was, I couldn't cry. And this frustrated me more.

Wake 1.

Im back in my house in Silverdale, my grandmother sitting at the kitchen table. Were alone in the house. The phone rings and I run up to answer it. There is a man on the other line who tells me my mom is in danger and that there are 30 bombs set up to explode wherever she goes. He starts listing off coordinates- latitudes and longitudes. I scramble as fast as I can to write them down, but he is speaking so fast. He hangs up. I begin yelling at my grandmother to get help. To grab a map and help me figure out where these locations are and to help find my mother. I'm so scared. Were not going to make it. It's too late. And I still can't cry.

Wake 2.

By this point, my mind is so confused about whats going on. Am I dreaming, am I awake? Why am I so angry? Jon is here. Im yelling at him too. Im furious with him. I have no idea why. I want to throw stuff at him. To run away. To cry again. But all I can do is yell. The whole night im yelling. The whole night im angry and frustrated and sad and distraught, and all I want to do is start crying and let go of all of these feelings. But I cant. All I can do is yell.

Wake 3.